Makin' Bread

We are still putting up a fight against gluten.  It is much harder than you'd think.  Six months gluten free and kiddo is still testing positive for celiac.  While he is MUCH better than before, he's still not healthy yet and hasn't started to heal.  It's very frustrating.  I am beyond diligent when it comes to keeping him gluten free and yet it seems it's not enough.  So I continue to clean and read labels and hope that at some point something will be enough to get my kid healthy.

In the meantime, I've been asked frequently for the bread recipe I've been using.  It took me a long time to get a recipe I like and it's still not perfect, but I'll share should anyone out there want to give it a try.  It must be simple, because I can make it.  I started with this recipe from food.com.  It's a really good french bread recipe as is and I've been able to make it into rolls too so it's pretty versatile.  But I wasn't really happy with it so I made a few tweaks.  So this is MY bread recipe, or at least as it stands for now...

Sandwich Bread

Ingredients

1 cup white rice flour
1 cup brown rice flour
1 cup tapioca flour
2 Tablespoons ground Flaxseed
2 teaspoons xanthan gum
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 cups lukewarm water
2 1/2 teaspoons yeast (1 package)
2 Tablespoons butter (melted) or oil
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vinegar

Directions:

In the bowl of a heavy-duty mixer, place flours, flaxseed, xanthan gum and salt.  Mix together on low or with spoon.  In a small bowl, dissolve sugar in water.  (Water should be about 110-115 degrees-I have had fine results with honey or brown rice syrup in place of sugar)  Gently stir in yeast.  Wait until mixture begins to foam and then add to dry ingredients with butter, eggs and vinegar.  Mix all on high for 3 minutes.  Scrape dough (which will look like batter) into greased bread pan.  Let rise in warm room until doubled in size (25-35 minutes).  Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Bake for 40-45 minutes.  (Bread is done at 205 degrees if you use a thermometer)  Remove from pan to cool.

This is my current day-to-day bread.  It tastes AMAZING right from the oven, but gets dry quite quickly.  That, unfortunately, is the nature of gluten free bread.  The good news is that it toasts up quite nicely so it can still be used despite being dry.  Also, it can be left out to dry for a day or so and then ground up in a food processor to make awesome gluten free bread crumbs.  Inevitably I will tweak this some more, maybe someday I'll figure out a bread that stays moist for a few days.  If so, I'll be sure to share!

A bit of a "de-bra-cle"

A couple of years ago, for no reason that I can recall now other than perhaps boredom, I measured myself for a bra.  I discovered that, lo and behold, the bras I owned were four inches too large.  Since I had always just bought the smallest size I could find, which was the smallest size most manufacturers make, this posed a bit of a problem.  After a bit of googling I stumbled on a company, with very positive reviews from bra-uthorities like Good Housekeeping, that specialized in bras for petite people, like myself.  Delighted at the prospect of having clothing that actually FIT, I placed an order, slightly less delighted with the cost.  These you will not find in a two pack on clearance at Walmart...no, no my friend, these will cost you dearly.

The box came with an inconspicuous label and I was delighted to discover the enormous difference between a properly fitted bra and one that was two sizes too large.  After counting my pennies for a few months to order another I finally picked one out to add to my meager collection of clothing that actually fits.  I awaited the box anxiously.

In the meantime, my son started playing T-ball.  He loved it and had  a great time, he had a wonderful coach, who happened to be married to a friend of mine.  He also happened to be our mail carrier.

So imagine my delight, and then inevitable dismay when my next package came NOT with the inconspicuous return label but a much larger label announcing to the world, and by default my mail carrier and son's T-ball coach, my recent purchase from "The Little Bra Company."

It's a damn good thing I like the bra.

Party Time!

We celebrated a birthday this past weekend.  My beautiful little baby boy:

Turned FIVE!!!!

I'm still not sure how it's possible that I have a five year old human being that I call my own.  I am unbelievably lucky.  I am also unbelievably lucky at how well he's growing up!  The past five years have been amazing and we've been blessed to float through the terrible twos and horrendous threes with very few battle scars.  Four was a wonderful year as Ben matured and learned how to question, how to be kind and how to recognize how his behavior (and bad behavior!) affects others.  We've also learned that despite having to change his entire diet and give up some favorite foods, Ben is very positive and happy to eat gluten free!  And we're very happy that he's finally starting to feel better!  

So to celebrate turning five, (FIVE!!!) Ben wanted a Lego birthday.  Not surprising.  Ben has been very big into Legos for the past year.  He likes to build and is learning how to make pretty basic structures.  What he really likes is to play with the assembled Legos.  At any given time during the day I can find him making the Ninja Turtle Legos talk to each other, or leading Police Officers in endless pursuit of the bad guys.  He has a ton of Legos, thanks to some smart shopping on his Grammy's part for a stash of used Legos.  I was asked several times leading up to his birthday if I really wanted him to have more Legos and my answer was, of course!  If he wasn't playing with them or seemed to be losing interest I would say no, I've stepped on and vacuumed up enough Legos for one lifetime already.  But he loves them and I love that he gets to use his imagination and some basic engineering skills while playing.  I love that it's not tv or game related.  And I love that he's happy.  So bring on the Legos!

Ben's mini LegoLand

Yellow Balloons + Sharpie = Adorable!

Putting some Legos to good use holding our napkins and silverware!

Needed some gluten free Lego candy for goody bags so made some homemade gummies with fruit juice and gelatin.  Not everybody's favorite candy, but Ben liked them and we had fun making them!

Some handcrafted Lego goody bags made by my mom...

And some handcrafted goodies to go inside!  Made homemade Legoman crayons and a mini-coloring book!

Lunch was homemade gluten free pizza which, surprisingly, everyone ate and enjoyed!  Even the kiddos!  What a relief to be able to let my son eat one of his favorite foods with his friends and not worry about making him sick!  Dessert was gluten free birthday cake which tasted pretty amazing!  I lucked into finding this recipe and have had good luck tweaking it to meet my needs.

I thought making a Lego 5 would be easy.  It was way harder than I thought, but it still came out pretty good.   Thank goodness we found some willing Legomen to hold Ben's candles!

The party was wonderful and Ben was very happy to have friends and family join him.  I am looking forward to the next year and how many more amazing and wonderful things he can learn.  He will start school in the fall and I'm sure we'll be able to watch him grow in leaps and bounds.  I am one lucky mom to have such an amazing kiddo on my hands!

Gluten Free Party Problems.

I don't know if you noticed, but it snowed a bit today.

My husband noticed, since his face froze while snow blowing this afternoon.  I was out there helping too, but my facial hair is a little less substantial and, let's be honest, I was only out there for about 15 minutes before I wimped out.  

This is going to be a busy week.  I will also likely find myself in tears by the end of it.  My baby is turning 5.  5.  FIVE!!!!  How did this HAPPEN???  How is he FIVE?!?!?!  Needless to say I am not handling this well.

So with his party coming this weekend we have been wrestling with a party planning decision.  Ben has asked for pizza to be served at his party for him and his friends.  Since Ben cannot have gluten, this presents us with a decision to make.  I can make only gluten free pizza and force all his guests (kids included) to try out and pretend to enjoy gluten free pizza crust.  Or, I can make a couple gluten free pizzas and order a few regular pizzas from the store down the street.  While the second option sounds like the best and most logical option there is one slight problem with this.  Ben really shouldn't be around ANY gluten.  Even the gluten he's not eating.  If I let the other kids eat regular pizza I run the risk of Ben getting cross contaminated and then possibly quite sick on his birthday.  And that's just not fair.  But, is it fair to expect other adults AND kids to eat pizza that, while not terrible, is quite a bit different than what they're used to?  We've been back and forth over about this for a couple of weeks now.  While I really feel strongly that our house remain a "safe" zone for Ben, I think we are going to have to order a few "alternative" pizzas to serve to our guests.  Also, gluten free pizza crust is expensive and a pain in the balls to work with.  It will make my life easier to order a few pizzas to fill in the cracks.  (And, for the record, Don often orders pizza that he eats at home, but he is very careful about avoiding contact with Ben when he does so.)  So in hopes of avoiding cross contamination on his birthday, all Ben's friends will be under strict hand-washing orders and will have to keep their food away from him.  While this isn't my ideal plan, I think it will work and will make the party enjoyable for Ben and his guests.  If not, well, we'll try again next year!  Lego Pizza Party....here we come!!!

He is Literally Hilarious

From time to time I find myself having to stop and remind myself that my son is only four.  Well, nearly five now, but you get my point.  He's always been a very articulate speaker and asks really good questions for a four year old.  (He's brilliant.  And I am not at all biased.)  But then there are those times where I am reminded that he is VERY literal still.  Sarcasm, jokes, even some imaginative thinking is still beyond him at this point.  It's not to say that he doesn't have an imagination, good grief, the kid has an awesome imagination, it's just that he's still very literal.  Take for example his sound effects.  Onomatopoeia is pretty much beyond him.  If he is mimicking an action the sound effect is usually the action.  IE "Mom, I'm going to get your nose!"  As he reaches for my noise he will say "take" and then move to put my nose on his face and say "put on."  Yup.  That's how Ben rolls.  No "pop" or "rip" or "honk" it's "take."  I'm pretty sure that's normal.  It is weird though...

Another good example are jokes.  I told him the infamous knock-knock joke:

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again???

He now assumes that all knock-knock jokes are about fruit.  And punch lines are just beyond him.

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Grape-banana.
Grape-banana who?
RACE CAR!!!

See what I mean?  He just doesn't get it.  Not even a little.  His little kid brain just doesn't work like that.  Which is fortunate, because it means he can get away with things like this:

This is Ben's Lego invention, a "Poikey-eared Hooker"

Ben:  "Look Mom! I made a poikey-eared hooker!"

Me: "Ummm, what is it?"

Ben: "A poikey-eared hooker.  You know, because it has a hook!"

He's just so damn literal....and it can be pretty hilarious!

New Adventures for 2015

2015 is a new year.  Which means that we can ignore how little blogging I did in 2014 and start fresh.  I really WANT to do more blogging this year, like at least once a week.  Why?  Because I really want to write more, in general.  I'm not saying I'm the world's greatest writer-I'm not-but I'm not terrible either.  The more I write, the easier it becomes, the easier it becomes, the better I get.  Well in theory anyway.  A theory that I really need to put to the test.

With that said, I'm going to blog.

So, as you may or may not know, we have a Golden Retriever.  The dog and I have a love-hate relationship.  It is mostly hate, on both sides, but after nearly 11 years together, we've learned to tolerate each other.  On Friday, I had the pleasure of bringing him to the vet for blood work.  After boosting him in the car (he's a very old man) we made a slip-slidey trek to our vet.  Upon opening the car door I discovered he had no intent on getting out of the car.  Begging, pleading and bribing did not work, so I braced myself and hauled him out of the car.  It wasn't pretty, but he made it out. When we walked in the new lady at the desk asked me to get him to stand on the scale.  While this was a once easy feat, it has been complicated now by the fact that the dog does not like to step on weird feeling surfaces, like the scale, because he's afraid he's going to fall.  After a few minutes of bribing I got him on there.  For a second.  The lady behind the desk did not have much patience for us and said she got his weight.  Since it was a good 10 pounds more than usual I have a feeling she may have fudged the numbers a bit.  Anyway, she took him out back for his blood test while I waited.

Moments later she was back and (fortunately) the dog had behaved himself.  The desk lady gave me a bit of a scowl as she whipped out a lint roller "He's very hairy."

He's a golden retriever.  

"Uh, yeah," I said, "he's pretty hairy."

I paid my bill and left quickly.  As I mentioned, the dog and I have a relationship based mostly on hate.  So while I begged and pleaded with him to jump quickly back in the car, he ignored me and pooped in the parking lot.  And this was not just a poop.  This was an epic poop.  A walking poop that he had clearly been holding for DAYS in anticipation of ruining our trip to the vet.  It wasn't pretty.  And it was in the middle of the damn parking lot.

So, with another heft, I loaded the dog back up into the car. The car for the first time ever, was completely void of grocery bags.  So back into the office I trudged to ask for a poop bag.

The lady scowls at me.

"Hi, my dog pooped in the parking lot, do you have a bag or something I could use to clean it up?  Like a grocery bag or something?"

She sighs and climbs off her seat and offers me a poop bag.

A poop bag the size of a sandwich bag.  Clearly made for chihuahua poop.

I look at the bag.

I look at her.

She frowns.

I look at the bag.

I look at her scowl.

"Thank you!" I said cheerily as I took the sandwich bag from her.

Epic poop.  Sandwich bag.

Needless to say it was a fairly gross endeavor, but damn if I didn't get it all in that miniature chihuahua poo bag.  

There was not an outside trashcan.  And I was NOT going back in with a sack full-FULL-of poo.

It was a rather smelly ride home, which I'm fairly certain the dog enjoyed thoroughly.

**I actually have the best vet's office in the world and they have been nothing but wonderful to me and my pets.  I'm sure I will be able to say the same about this new desk person after we have had a few more interactions.

A New Reality

It has been a beautiful summer.  Perhaps not as hot as it could have been, I for one like to stockpile the feeling of the sun on my skin for the cold winter months when I can't remember what it feels like not to have goosebumps, but a pretty summer nonetheless.  We've made a bunch of trips to the island, spent plenty of weekends relaxing at home, and have tried to make the most of the summer.  I even started a bit of creative writing, which made me surprisingly happy.  I won't say that what I was writing was all that great, but I'm fairly confident it didn't suck, and that's something!  I was interrupted from my writing by an onslaught of bookkeeping duties and just when those were letting up again I've been consumed with something entirely different: figuring out how to keep my kid healthy.

About a month ago Ben starting having some stomach troubles.  It didn't seem severe, he wasn't in a lot of pain, didn't complain that much, but spent an increasingly larger amount of time on the toilet every day.  After force feeding him bananas, probiotics and even cutting dairy out of his diet, we went to see the doctor for some help.  Last Friday we found out that Ben tested positive for Celiac Disease.

I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.  I still am to be honest.  And as I've researched and read about Celiac my surprise has gone from frustration to horror to sadness to determination.  I've known, sort of, what celiac is since I was just out of high school.  I've actually been tested for it several times, but I don't have it.  I knew that it was essentially an allergy to gluten, something that I, a die hard fan of all things bread related, couldn't possibly comprehend having.  So when I was told Ben has celiac I was not really sure what we were talking about.  Did he actually have celiac, or was it a gluten sensitivity?  Was it something he could outgrow?  Could he still eat small amounts of gluten or did it have to be eliminated entirely?

Our pediatrician was less than helpful, telling us only to stop feeding him gluten.  Fortunately I have good friends and a knowledgeable family who was able to point us in the right direction.  We're getting him a referral to a GI doctor to confirm the test results and hopefully help us figure out how to adopt a gluten free lifestyle.  I've done some reading and realized that celiac is not the same as a gluten sensitivity.  While we all know someone right now that has cut gluten out of their diet, they don't necessarily have celiac disease.  Gluten sensitivities also make people feel pretty crappy so cutting gluten out of their diet makes them feel better.  Celiac disease, however, is an autoimmune disease.  Instead of gluten just making my kid feel crappy, his body actually starts attacking itself causing damage to his intestines.  Obviously, damaging your intestines really isn't a good idea, so the gluten has got to go.  The more I read, the more I discover just how difficult this is to do.  Gluten is in EVERYTHING.  And even if it isn't in it, there's a good chance it's been around gluten.  And, as I've been reading, the longer you stop eating gluten, the more sensitive you can become to exposure to gluten.  Any exposure.  It's mind boggling really.  Depending on how sensitive he is to gluten, we may have to eventually get all gluten out of the house all together, meaning none of us can eat gluten around Ben.

This is NOT what I expected when I took him to the doctors last week to figure out why his stomach was bothering him.  But this is our new reality.  I will be packing his lunches now for the rest of his childhood.  I will be bringing all his food with us when we travel.  When he goes to school he will likely be grouped with the other allergy kids to keep him healthy.  When he goes to friends' houses and birthday parties I will be bringing his food.  I will be that mom.  The one that makes their kid was their hands a zillion times day, feeding him weird things like raw almonds and bread-less sandwiches.  The one that makes him eat granola bars instead of cupcakes and macaroni and cheese that tastes like cardboard.

It really sucks, and it's still very overwhelming.  I know that things could have been worse, much worse.  Celiac disease isn't a death sentence, it isn't something that's going to noticeably affect how he grows and develops.  It is going to change him though and it's not something that he'll ever outgrow or stop being aware of.  There will probably be times when it makes him really sick.  But he will get better and he will learn how to live with it.  And so will I.  I will embrace being that mom.  I will be the best that mom that you've ever seen.  Because my kid is awesome and he WILL be healthy.