Friday, January 3, 2014

How to Snow Blow the Driveway

Step 1:  Call husband energetically offering to snow blow driveway so he doesn't have to do it in the dark when he gets home from work.

Step 2:  Bundle up in at LEAST 75 layers.

Step 3: Grab Blowtorch.

Step 4:  Hold Blowtorch on iced up shed lock for one minute.  Try not to catch shed on fire.  Try key.  Drop blowtorch in snow.  Swear profusely.  Get blowtorch started again.  Try not to catch shed on fire.  Blow out small fire.  Try key again.

Step 5:  Gently lower 5000 pound snow blower to the ground.  Resolve not to tell husband about the crash landing and possible denting.

Step 6:  Open choke, set to run, pump fuel thingey, pull cord.  Pull cord.  Pull cord.  Pull cord.

Step 7: Open choke, set to run, pump fuel thingey, stand on snow blower, pull cord.  Pull cord.  Pull cord.

Step 8:  Kick snow blower.

Step 9:  Text adult child living rent free in the upstairs bedroom to come down and start snow blower.

Step 10:  Make adult child pull cord.  Pull cord.  Pull cord.  Pull cord.

Step 11:  With (finally) running snow blower begin walking up and down driveway.

Step 12:  Get face full of snow.

Step 13:  Adjust blower thing to other direction.

Step 14: Get face full of snow.

Step 15:  Repeat steps 12-14 while walking up and down driveway until driveway has considerably less snow on it and face has considerably more.

Step 16:  Leave snow blower parked haphazardly at top of driveway.  Resolve to let lazy ass step-children or husband put it away and finish the shoveling.

Step 17:  Make tea and resolve that next time you want to do something nice for husband, bake cookies.



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