Friday, January 10, 2014

An Open Letter to Junk Mail

Dear Get BIGGER with Free Sample,

Thank you for not emailing me with an offer to enlarge my manhood.  For far too long I've been concerned that my email address, which starts with the word "princess," might be construed as too masculine.  I see now that you have finally identified that I am part of the 50% of the population that does not appreciate your weekly/daily/hourly offers to increase the size of my penis.  This due to the fact, of course, that I don't actually have a penis.

I'm truly glad to see that you have finally focused on attempting to enlarge something that matters to me.  Because, like the majority of women, I would in fact like to have "Boobs as big as balloons."

I appreciate that you have cut to the chase here.  No offers of inches, no promises of 40% growth.  You are bringing it right to the table.  "As big as balloons."  Yes.  Now that is a visual I can get on board with.  Balloons.  In my bra.  Thank you Get BIGGER with Free Sample.  I now know what perfection looks like.   And perfection is: "Boobs as big as balloons."

I think I'm going to go get some balloons today.



Gotta Love Spam!!

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