Sunday, June 24, 2012

Tomorrow's the Day

So tomorrow is the big day.  I start a good ol' nine-to-five job again.  Granted it's only going to be a couple of days a week, but it's still a pretty big deal.

Overall, I'm pretty excited.  I'm excited for this opportunity to start using my brain for something other than changing diapers and serving beer.  I'm excited that I get to work in Portland again, even though it's a long commute.  I loved working in the city and have missed being there for the last couple of years.  I'm excited that Ben will be spending more time with his Gram this summer and more time with Ms. Holly and his friends at daycare.  The socialization has been wonderful for Ben and I'm seeing him grow and understand things in amazing ways.  Hopefully with a little more constructive learning he will start picking up some of the other skills he's missing, like counting and learning letters.

So like I said, overall, I'm pretty excited about this.  But, of course, I'm a mom going back to work, and I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't worry.  Am I making the right decision?  Is it too soon to be leaving Ben, even if it is only a few days a week?  Will I regret this later on?  Will I wish that I had spent more time with him?  I've been blessed to have two and a half years with him all day, every day.  I was able to be there for his first smile, sitting up for the first time, first time crawling, first steps, first words.  How lucky was I?  But am I ready to start missing things?  First time telling a joke, first time asking to use the potty, first time writing his letters, saying his ABCs?

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

Tomorrow is the beginning of my little heart walking around without me by his side.  And while I'm excited for my new opportunity, I'm a little broken hearted that I have to leave him. 

So wish me luck, and feel free to remind me that this will get easier...

Love my little guy...

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