Happy 100!!

Yay!  Congratulations!  Way to go!

Today is my 100th blog post!

I decided to celebrate in style:

A dozen roses, candles, homemade lobster alfredo and a rich slice of chocolate decadent cake.  Nothing says 100 blog posts like gourmet....leftovers.

Yup, tonight for dinner I whipped up a quick alfredo sauce, dumped in some lobster left over from my birthday and enjoyed a slice of the left over chocolate birthday cake my mom made me.  Fancy-schmancy.

As much as I would like to write an amazing blog tonight, with life altering revelations, inspirational words and beautiful imagery, it just ain't happening.  It's been a long weekend, with a lot of traveling and a kiddo who is not adjusting well to the time change.

So I'm just going to say that this has been fun, I'm very pleased that I've been able to find enough stuff to write about, and that I have every intention to keep plugging away at this.  Thanks to everyone who reads this and keeps encouraging me, hopefully you'll continue to find this mildly interesting.

Happy 100 Posts to Me!!

It's Cake Time!!!

Happy Birthday to me!

Good grief I'm getting old.  (Don't yell at me, I know I'm not really that old.)  It's still hard to believe that I've somehow managed to become 28.  It just seems rather sudden is all.  Before you know it, I'm going to be 30!  Then 40!  Then I'll be going to Ben's high school graduation, college graduation, wedding....ahhhhh!!!  It's happening waaay too fast!

It's bad enough that I have the stepsons rushing through all this stuff.  (Just so you know there is an iron clad rule in the house that NO ONE makes me a grandmother before I'm 30.  And I'm thinking I need to up that to 35...)  I've already done one high school graduation and another one is fast approaching....

SLOW DOWN!  I'm pretty sure I don't need the next two years (or ten) to fly by quite so fast.  Plus I'd really like to keep the gray hair and wrinkles at bay for a few more years....

So I'll just take today very slow....maybe tomorrow will follow suit...and the day after...and the day after....


PS-Tomorrow is gonna be a big day for my Blog...stay tuned!!  :)

Weekend Plans

Yesterday I cleaned out my car.  Got all the trash and excess toys out, gave it a quick vacuum and wiped out some of the dust.  It's not spectacular, but it's better.

Today I'm going to be packing.  Ben requires about a zillion outfits, diapers and snacks.  I just need a change of clothes and a toothbrush.
 
The dog sitter (aka Jake) is lined up to stay at the house and keep the dogs from destryoing it.  (Easier said than done).

Tomorrow morning the three of us are hitting the road and driving up for a visit to Papa and Nana on the island.  Nice!

We don't get up there as often as we'd like.  It's a long drive with an almost-two-year-old.  It also requires the stars to align properly with me not working, us not having plans, and finding someone to dog sit.  But Don and I agreed we needed to get out of town this weekend, so away we go!

There is only one fatal flaw to this plan.  The library is closed today, so I won't be bringing a new book with me.  WHO CLOSES A LIBRARY ON A FRIDAY????  Ugh.  I'm pleading with my husband to go to the Portland library for me today, but I have a feeling he won't have time.  I suppose I could always spend my extra time writing while I'm up there.  Perhaps I could get a belated start on National Novel Writing Month?  Maybe.....or maybe I could just borrow a book from my stepmother...that sounds like a better plan to me.

So watch out Islesboro, I'm on my way up for the weekend, and I don't have a book with me.


 

A Quote for Thought

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?" - Laura Bush

A facebook friend posted that on her status last night, and I really thought it was an excellent quote.  My husband and I struggled with infertility for three and a half years before Ben was conceived through IVF.  I've actually been thinking about it a lot lately because I had always been under the impression that once I had a kid, infertility would no longer haunt my life.  But that's not true, and not just for the fact that having a second child would be a major ordeal.  It leaves you with a lot of doubts about your ability to take on other tasks.  It's hard to describe exactly, but the doubt is there in the back of your mind. 

Despite the toll infertility takes on you both before and after conceiving, there is one thing you gain from it.  Strength.  I don't think anyone who has battled years of disappointment, frustration, anger, and sadness can come away from it without an amazing perspective on their ability to withstand all that and still succeed.  It's a pretty big power trip, and I still rely on those feelings to get me through difficult things.  If I could conceive a child without lots of money, with endless shots and medications, despite constant disappointment and people asking me when I was ready to think about adopting, I'm pretty sure that I can get through anything.  Including a winter on a limited budget.

I know Laura Bush's quote doesn't really talk about strength, it talks about loss, and the inability to express a loss of something doesn't even exist yet.  I guess for me, just reading that, and remember my own feelings of loss, I can't help but think about the strength required to endure that and the lessons I learned about myself from experiencing that.

Candy Induced Craziness...I think

So last night I thought it would be a good idea to write a blog for every day in November.  Sitting here at the computer now, I'm pretty sure I was delusional.  Or high on Halloween candy.  Perhaps both?

I haven't even the slightest clue what I'm going to write about this month.  My life really isn't as adventuresome as you might think.  I read, I clean, I cook, I work (well I did work) and I take care of my kiddo.  That's it.  The inspiration for interesting blog posts is a touch lacking.  (Case in point: I'm currently trying to talk myself out of writing a raving review of the Greek Yogurt I'm eating...)  BUT, I'm determined to do this.

Today has been a pretty up and down day.  I'm usually an emotional rock, but today if I let my thoughts run away I find myself tearing up or struggling to breathe.  Worrying about money is one of my least favorite past times, but is unfortunately one I can't seem to get away from.  All I can say is that I'm glad Ben is around to keep me smiling.  Yesterday he shared his stickers with me and today his cookie.  When I catch myself feeling miserable I try to remember how things felt before he was born to remind myself how far things have come.  I might not have money, but I do have Ben, and I know how lucky I am to have him.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be a better day.  In the meantime, I'll just grab a book (and some Halloween Candy) to keep my thoughts in check...

NaBloPoMo

Well, this month is off to a rotten start.  Losing my part time job is a pretty miserable way to start a month, especially a month that happens to contain my birthday.  I've been in a funk all day.  BUT, I went online tonight and discovered that November is National Novel Writing Month.  That sounds pretty awesome, but a bit overwhelming to me.  50,000 words in one month, YIKES!  So I did a little more online messing around and discovered that November is ALSO National Blog Posting Month.  The goal being that you write a blog every day.  I've been pretty good about getting in a few entries a week, but never one a day.

Since I feel like I need something to occupy my mind and help with the overwhelming stress I'm feeling, I decided I'm going to participate...with BOTH of my blogs.  I entered this blog into a contest on blogher.com for daily drawings for prizes, and (possibly) a larger audience through their large website.  So we'll see how that goes.  I'm going to focus on the new website a bit more privately, since I'm still struggling with that one. 

I'm kind of excited, and not sure I can do this, but I'm going to try.  So here's hoping I can come up with something mildly interesting everyday this month...wish me luck!

Now What?

This morning I woke up with a list a mile long of things I wanted to get done today.  Make laundry detergent, clean the house, get some groceries, etc....

Then I checked my email and discovered that as of Friday, I will no longer have a job. 

I'm having a bit of a panic attack at the moment.  I don't make that much money on a weekly basis, but it's enough to keep our heads above water and I don't have to send my son to daycare.  For that, I was thankful.  And I really liked my job, I liked that they worked with my schedule, I liked the owners, I liked my co-workers and I liked my customers.  And I liked that it was less than 15 minutes from my house.

As the initial devastation is wearing off, I'm trying to figure out just what kind of job I want to replace this.  Do I wait tables again?  Do I look for a part time "professional" job and put Ben in daycare?  Can I afford to put Ben in daycare?  I just don't know.

I'm not afraid of a change, I'm just afraid that we're unprepared for change.