Friday, August 24, 2012

What Was I Thinking??

I think I have bitten off more than I can chew.  Now that summer is nearly over and school is about to start, I'm having panic attacks that I have signed up for more than I can handle for the next few months.

As it stands right now, I'm working nearly 40 hours a week.  I'm actually really enjoying this schedule, since I can still be home all day with my son four days a week.  We get to spend time together and we can focus on learning things, like how to pee on the potty, that take some time.  I love my new job in Portland, despite the fact that my gas bill in the new Subaru is a bit high (oops!).  I love my waitressing job at night too.  I love the people there and the excitement.  (The money doesn't hurt either!)

Things are just about perfect right now.  But, in less than two weeks I start school.  Full time.  What was I thinking???  Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to be going and I think this degree is going to be a great thing to add to my resume, but I'm terrified that I won't be able to keep up with my classes and my two jobs.  The last time I was in college was I was working nearly 60 hours a week at the cookie shop with my mom.  I still managed to make it through with more than respectable grades.  I know it WAS possible for me once.  But I didn't have a kid then.  And I'm not sure how I'm going to handle having study time cut into my Ben time.

The closer it gets to labor day, the more nervous I become.  Can I really do this?  Am I going to be ok not spending as much time with Ben?  Is Ben going to be ok not spending as much time with me?  Am I going to find enough hours in the day to get everything done?

I just don't know.

But I do know this....even if it's miserable, it'll be over by December.  And I can make changes to my school and work schedules then to make things more bearable.  I also know that I still have this weekend and all of next week to spend as much time as I can stand with my kid.  So, with that said, I'm off to the lake!

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