Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Intermission Between IVFs

So, to continue on my TTC journey...

We weren't exactly surprised the IVF trial didn't work. We knew it was experimental, we knew they couldn't guarantee anything, but that still doesn't mean it didn't hurt to hear the news. Our follow up appointment with the Boston IVF doctor was positive since he said he really believed the problem was just the freezing of the eggs, and not something wrong with our ability to conceive through IVF. He did offer us the opportunity to try another study, but we had mixed feelings about that and decided to stay away from "studies" for a bit. We decided to take a bit of a break and recharge and reassess the situation.

After a few months I met again with my doctor to discuss the possibility of doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination aka the "turkey baster" approach). This would be a much more effective approach if we had higher sperm counts, but it wasn't too expensive, and it at least made us feel like we were trying. Since I had no ovulation problems we did not use any medications for these IUIs. The first went well, low sperm counts, but not horribly low. No success. Number two was a bit more complicated as the doctor performing the procedure had a hard time and ended up using a clamp on my cervix (ouch!). Sperm count was lower this time so we weren't very optimistic. No success. The third attempt was disastrous. When we showed up for the appointment they said "Office visit?" and I said, "No...IUI" and they just said, "Oh, it says office visit. Go have a seat." A bad sign. When we went into the room I was told not to bother with a gown just yet. Another bad sign. And sure enough the doctor came in to tell us that they were only able to find one sperm in the sample. One. She didn't think it was worth spending the money on an IUI with one sperm so was giving us the option to cancel. We canceled.

As devastating a blow as that was to me, I know it was so much harder for my husband. I never blamed him for our problem conceiving, I knew what I had signed up for from the very beginning of our relationship, he, however, blamed himself completely. It was a quiet ride home that day.

We had discussed numerous times the possibility of using donor sperm. For me it didn't matter as much, I just wanted to carry a child. My husband would be there to raise the child, and to me that was so much more important than having his DNA. I don't think it was quite the same for him. While he's not opposed to people using donor sperm, he didn't want that for us. I think he really wanted his sons to be able to share a connection with our child, and I don't think he felt this would be as intimate if our child wasn't somehow related to them. I could be wrong, but at the end of the day he was still holding out against donor sperm. Which meant our only option was IVF. Which meant we had to find a cheaper IVF option. And so I began to google...

1 comment:

  1. I hate that you keep stopping! I know that it would be a lot to write at once but the anticipation! lol