Monday, April 18, 2011

Cancer Blows

I've known this day would come eventually, and I've given this blog post some thought.  There is no easy way to say goodbye to a friend, but hopefully, I can do him justice today.

Today the world has one less lawyer in it.  (Insert hilarious lawyer joke here)  Despite the fact that he was a lawyer, David really was a great guy.  And funny.  Always so damn funny.  When I think about David now, it is his giggle that I remember the most.  He laughed like a little girl at the things he found truly amusing.  Even from my desk at the opposite end of the office, I would hear him giggle and have to chuckle at him.  He drank a two liter of soda on a bet, to see if he could drink it in one chug.  He couldn't.  He'd try to best Scott at eating challenges.  Again, he couldn't.  He'd leave prank voicemail messages on the office phones, though the phones had caller-id, so it was never much of a prank.  David was funniest, however, when no one could tell if he was being funny.  Countless times he would leave the room, and we would all be scratching our heads.  Was he serious about that?  Did that really happen?  Does he really watch Housewives of Orange County?  His offbeat sense of humor made him David.

And when he found out he had cancer his sense of humor never left him.  Nor did his work ethic.  He put all of us to shame by showing up to work day after day while going through chemo.  How could you justify staying home with a stuffy nose when David was there fresh out of chemo?  He was dealt a bad hand with this cancer, but, thanks to a brief addiction to online poker, he had a great poker face and played his hand for as long as he could.  My husband and I will both miss him, as I know many, many others will as well.  And while my heart breaks for all he will be missing out on, there are no words for how sad I am that his two young children will be missing out on him. 

You'll be missed DP!

And now, some hilarious (or perhaps just really stupid) lawyer jokes in David's honor:

Why do pharmaceutical company laboratories now use lawyers rather than lab rats for testing?
. . . Lab personnel don't get as emotionally attached to them.
. . . Lawyers do things rats won't.

. . . Some people actually LIKE rats.

What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
. . . Both have a big head that consists mainly of mouth.

What do you get when you run an "honest lawyer" contest?
. . . No winners.

Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
. . . New Jersey had first choice!

Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.


Goodbye David

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