Thursday, May 26, 2011

An Open Letter to the Black Flies Living Within a 50 Mile Radius of My House

Dear Black Flies Living Within a 50 Mile Radius of My House,

I understand your plight.  It has been a long, sunless spring and we are all eager to enjoy the beautiful weather that has finally arrived.  And while I'm sure you've been hungry, waiting for all us humans to head back outside to your feeding grounds, I'm not sure it was completely necessary to attack in such a manner yesterday that I feared for my life.  When I proposed a picnic lunch to my one year old son, I was not, in fact, proposing that we become a picnic lunch.  I was merely hoping that for twenty minutes or so, we could enjoy the sun, eat our lunch and revel in mother nature's glory.  Instead, it appears that one of you sounded the alarm, alerting all nearby black flies to come attack us as we ate.  Might I suggest a more candid approach next time?  Perhaps, had you lined up single file, or even by twos, my son and I would have spent more time outside, allowing more of you to snatch a quick bite.  Instead, you bombarded us as though you were a squadron of air force jets, forcing us to run inside before we became strange, bloodless, human-black fly vampires, or at least very itchy.  This is simply not acceptable, black flies.

Today I noticed you were in much better form.  I was only bothered by a few of you little devils.  We were able to enjoy the beautiful weather and our second attempt at a picnic.  I would even say "Thank you" but, one of you felt the need to fly down my pants and bite my butt, and I simply cannot accept that.

Be warned, black flies living near my house, I have unearthed a bottle of bug spray.  May it leave as bitter a taste in your mouth as it does in mine.



1 comment:

  1. OMG. I loved this. Thanks for making me laugh at the end of what was a very long day !!