Monday, November 12, 2012

An Open Letter to a Customer

Dear Sir-or-Madam,

Might I start by saying, I'm a very positive person.  I'm very kind, and as I'm sure many people would tell you, I always seek out the best in people and believe that people are generally kind when given a chance.

But you sir-or-madam, are a douchebag.  (And no, this is not a term I use often or lightly!)

When you failed to leave me a tip last week after pouring you a beer, I chose to overlook it.  Sure I was annoyed, offended, and when I saw you coming to one of my tables tonight, I grimaced; but I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps you'd had a bad day?  Perhaps you are merely showing your age and had moment of forgetfulness last week.

After tonight I am fairly certain that you are just an ass.

After occupying one of my tables with your "buddies" for FOUR hours, during my dinner rush, my ONLY rush, might I add, it was really all I could do not to come back and stuff the $2.50 "tip" you so generously left me, down your shirt. 

Yes, $2.50.

A bit of advice sir-or-madam, should you find yourself in a similar situation in a restaurant with a server not as pleasant as myself, when your bill comes to $47.50, and you hand him or her $50.00 and say "Keep the change," you might want to be prepared for a pitcher of ice dumped on top of your head, or perhaps a fist fight in the parking lot.

I would have liked to take your change back to you, tell you that you obviously need the money more than I do, just to see what you would say, but I'm fairly certain you would have just pocketed it, not getting my point, not learning a lesson.  I would have liked to have explained to you that while yes, I am a waitress in a bar, I am NOT actually desperate for your $2.50.  I'm married.  We have two incomes.  I have a college degree.  I am working on a second college degree.  I am waitressing so I can be home during the day with my amazing son, and because I enjoy it.

Except waiting on you.  I do not enjoy that.

Someday, sir-or-madam, I hope you have that server that dumps a pitcher of ice on your head when you leave a 5% tip on a busy Friday night.  Because despite wanting to do that to you, the next time you come in I will most likely greet you with a smile, bring you your food and drinks and be equally as attentive a server to you as I am to all my other customers.  Why?  Because you don't actually matter to me.  And neither does your $2.50.



**I actually wrote this a few months ago.  I don't think any of the customers from the bar read my blog, but just in case, I thought I would give it some time for anonymity's sake.**

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