Might I start by saying, I'm a very positive person. I'm very kind, and as I'm sure many people would tell you, I always seek out the best in people and believe that people are generally kind when given a chance.
But you sir-or-madam, are a douchebag. (And no, this is not a term I use often or lightly!)
When you failed to leave me a tip last week after pouring you a beer, I chose to overlook it. Sure I was annoyed, offended, and when I saw you coming to one of my tables tonight, I grimaced; but I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you'd had a bad day? Perhaps you are merely showing your age and had moment of forgetfulness last week.
After tonight I am fairly certain that you are just an ass.
After occupying one of my tables with your "buddies" for FOUR hours, during my dinner rush, my ONLY rush, might I add, it was really all I could do not to come back and stuff the $2.50 "tip" you so generously left me, down your shirt.
A bit of advice sir-or-madam, should you find yourself in a similar situation in a restaurant with a server not as pleasant as myself, when your bill comes to $47.50, and you hand him or her $50.00 and say "Keep the change," you might want to be prepared for a pitcher of ice dumped on top of your head, or perhaps a fist fight in the parking lot.
I would have liked to take your change back to you, tell you that you obviously need the money more than I do, just to see what you would say, but I'm fairly certain you would have just pocketed it, not getting my point, not learning a lesson. I would have liked to have explained to you that while yes, I am a waitress in a bar, I am NOT actually desperate for your $2.50. I'm married. We have two incomes. I have a college degree. I am working on a second college degree. I am waitressing so I can be home during the day with my amazing son, and because I enjoy it.
Except waiting on you. I do not enjoy that.
Someday, sir-or-madam, I hope you have that server that dumps a pitcher of ice on your head when you leave a 5% tip on a busy Friday night. Because despite wanting to do that to you, the next time you come in I will most likely greet you with a smile, bring you your food and drinks and be equally as attentive a server to you as I am to all my other customers. Why? Because you don't actually matter to me. And neither does your $2.50.
**I actually wrote this a few months ago. I don't think any of the customers from the bar read my blog, but just in case, I thought I would give it some time for anonymity's sake.**