My Rocking Chair Needs Lumbar Support

Inner Monologue During the 40 Minutes of Rocking My Son To Sleep

After 5 Minutes:

Man, he is so sweet, he should be out like a light in just a few more minutes.  Mmmm, and his hair smells so nice and babyish.

After 10 Minutes:

Ok, that's enough of playing with baby doll's eyes and ears.  Let's focus on sleeping.  Mommy wants to go get some cake.

After 20 Minutes:

Seriously, if you un-zip and re-zip your pajamas one more time I'm going to freak out.  Ok, I'm freaking out now, but in my head, quietly, in case you thought you were going to fall asleep.  Seriously stop ZIPPING the effing pajamas.

After 25 Minutes:

Who the hell designed this rocking chair?  Have they ever HEARD of lumbar support?  God, my lumbar is killing me.  Or, I think that's my lumbar anyway.  Just stop fidgeting Ben.  Seriously.  Mom wants cake.

After 27 Minutes:

Is that Don getting cake?  He's eating cake down there and I'm stuck here rocking the world champion pajama zipper who will not GO TO SLEEP.  This is NOT fair.  I want CAKE!!!

After 30 Minutes:

Ok, just lay here quietly, and I'll step away from the crib....no....don't roll over....NO!  DO NOT pick up your head.  Don't do it!  Noooooo, do not sit up!!!!  And I'm starting over....

After 35 Minutes:

Throw that blankie on the floor one more time and you're following it.  Mom is done.

After 40 Minutes:

Holy shit, I think he's finally asleep.....quiet....quiet.....quiet......((close door))  SUCCESS!!!!

*No, we don't rock him to sleep every night, but for the last week he has decided that he needs to have a complete melt down if he is alone in his crib.  He goes through phases like this every now and then...and it's really, really, annoying.